I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
