the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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