No stitches, just platelets and will power
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
