I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize