No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
