I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
