I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
