She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He shit in the fireplace
I came so hard my ears popped.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
