bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
