guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
