ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
