I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
