How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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