so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My balls are so social today.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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