this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
