It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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