Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
