So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
