He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
