I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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