Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
