the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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