I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
