I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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