we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
