I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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