i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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