My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
