Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
