I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
