you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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