Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
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The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
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Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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