i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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