I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
