how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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