I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
