Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
