the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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