There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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