His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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