i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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