im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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