AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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