I accidentally had phone sex last night
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind