i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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