I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!