lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
