it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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