you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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