This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
