dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
