There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
