My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
