Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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