He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize