jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
