My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
