Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
