That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
