If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
When are your genitals available?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
