Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
