I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
