This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
