google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
