the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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