In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
