She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
