Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
