my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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