I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
