i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
