I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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