My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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