just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
