It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
