She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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