My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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