yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
